everything has changed

so much has happened in the past 2 weeks. i cant really say on this public platform. i thought that things would be alright and life would be normal but i was wrong. at times, i feel that my life has been turned upside down, inside out. but of course there are times that i know i can move on and carry on with life.

2 weeks back, i never expected things to turn out this way. if i had know, i would have done things differently. yes, i am filled with regret right now. but it is all too late. i really learnt a valuable lesson. it was honestly hard to take it all in initially. but God saw me through the short but dark period. there is still a purpose in life that i fight for and i will continue to push myself in the right direction.

i want to better myself. to know how to love myself. to appreciate the things in life. to spend quality time with my friends. to be fitter, healthier, stronger, and of course, closer to God. God has been merciful despite the hard knocks that i faced recently, He knows me best and i know deep inside me that as much as i want to rewind and make things right, this is the best way to shake me up from my deluded life. i havent come to the full realization and acceptance of things. i am still deluded in my own ways. but i hope to come to terms with things in time.

right now, i just want to focus on my exams to do well. it’s not that hard. i just have to study. but sometimes, the emptiness overwhelms me that i just feel like stopping everything. of course i cant. but i really pray that God will heal and comfort me in the best way possible.

in other happier news, i completed my first 10km run yesterday! yay! i am so proud of myself. i was kinda emotional at the finish line that i almost cried *embarrassed* hahaha. i havent run in 3 weeks or so because i turned my focus to the insanity workout. one of the weekends, i made a run at mt. faber, with my dad driving beside me and stopping periodically, just like the good ol’ times. it was the longest distance i had ever run. and at mt faber at that. steep up slopes and all. i ran a few rounds at mt faber itself before running along the harborfront area back to my grandfather’s house. before the run, i remember feeling kinda sad. and as i ran, i was really struggling physically. i was tired. but i never thought of giving up for the sake of training and also, endurance. my dad probably would let me stop anyway. as i ran, a cyclist headed towards my direction. and he said “way to go” or something along that line. those simple words, but they really tugged at my heartstrings. that was really God’s way of comforting me and encouraging to go on. and there after, i cried. while running. yes. hahahaha. it wasnt a pretty sight. but at least there wasnt anyone around. and then i proceeded to make the best of the rest of my run. it was a good run. i was thankful.

anyway, to add on about the insanity workout, i am at day 5. the previous week wasnt that good cos the video wasnt complete. lol. but i can tell u guys for sure that it WORKS. there were a few days where i did it on alternate days, together with eating healthy and clean.i could see the muscle around my stomach being so defined. muahaha. but of course. that is if you eat clean! i truly believe that with the right diet and some exercise, you can get an amazing body. but it all lies in what you eat! i havent been that good with eating in the past few days. extremely unhealthy cravings. i had my first mcspicy in months. boy, it tasted so gudddddd. so anyway, i havent been eating well. time to get back onto the healthy bandwagon again! i hope this inspires some of you ^^ though i honestly dont know who reads this blog now. lol.

okay. i blogged because i have been seriously distracted from my online lectures. ARGH. they frustrate me so much. i hate the internet and the distraction it brings. but maybe it’s just me la hor? haha. alrighty. till the next update (:

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One thought on “everything has changed

  1. A says:

    Haha Amelia, so malu, crying after 10k! It’s actually a very boring distance if you run by yourself… I used to run that distance on Mondays and Fridays in army, 7K is my limit for feeling restless.

    All the best for your exams, just saying I do read your blog once in awhile. Stay strong!

    – Alvin

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