fighting a different battle everyday

saying things is easy. but actually doing it is a whole different thing altogether. you can be filled with the knowledge about the word of God. but how often do you actually behave in the way God tells us to?

it’s stil a progress everyday. it doesnt seem to get better. i really question and wonder why. i wish i could get to the end of things. at the start of the week, i felt that people were pushing me move on quickly. i even felt that God was trying to make things go faster for me so that i could move on. but i was told today that it’s ok to take time to heal. because if u dont, you’re going to have to carry it for a long period of time. in some sense, i dont exactly know how to heal. im just taking it one step at a time. my mind is constantly thinking and pondering over the past. i cannot seem to escape from it. suffering, i know is temporary. that’s what they all say. but to actually rejoice in your sufferings, is so tough.

despite all the inner struggle today, i am thankful for the encouragement and assurance i received today. i will continue to press on and work hard for God and His ministry. that is the one thing that i am holding onto. many things upset me today. but they are small things. i pray that i can learn to see the big picture in life. i know im in the process of being moulded. but it’s a really painful and tough time for me. i was also reminded today that my self worth and how others see myself is not as important as how God sees me. i need to learn to focus on what’s really important.

but then again, i can say all these things. but to do it, takes so much more effort, faith, sacrifice, disappointments, hurts. they say God will not put you through more than you can bear. but if everyday were to be like this, when i feel i am reaching the limit, i dont really think i know what to do. if only life were a tad bit easier at times like this…

i’ll try not to be so affected.

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